Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Don't Get Cute with Me

There are many things I’m uncomfortable with when calling for technical support. I’m uncomfortable with agents trying to fill silences by asking how I’m enjoying the weather. I’m uncomfortable when they mispronounce my surname and/or street name (both of which are quite long, not to mention uncommon). I’m uncomfortable with their absurdly lame attempts at humor. Most of all, I’m uncomfortable when they try to be cute.

Ordinarily, I don’t mind having to call the Geek Squad (even though Best Buy’s higher-ups obviously stole the name from the movie Heathers and it’s bothered me for years). They make it pretty easy on the customer. After they verify some preliminaries, they set up a remote session and essentially handle the reins. In addition to one’s full name, telephone number, and street address, there is one vital piece of information needed to access the account. That is, of course, the registered e-mail.

For several years, I’ve had two e-mail accounts: one for all social networking and literary purposes, and a personal one for banking, online shopping, etc. The latter e-mail contains the word “delicious” (a reference to a song lyric) and almost always garners quips. If I’d known the name were so a provacative when I set up the account upwards of ten years ago, I probably would’ve chosen something else.

Moving rigt along.

I call the Geeks earlier today. I run down my issues and concerns. They ask for verification of the essentials. When it came time for my e-mail address, the agent added an “mmmm,” as if someoneone held a culinary masterpiece beneath his salivating lips, and repeated the word “delicious” in an odd, almost Cookie Monster-esque cadence.

“Mmmmm... Dee-leesh-isss...”

Thankfully, he recovered from whatever strange spell he’d temporarily fallen under and continued with the task at hand, which was probably a good thing, since my face was twisted in painful wince and I needed him to turn the page more than he ever could’ve imagined. He maintained a somewhat professional veneer for the remainder of the call and helped resolve the issue to the best of his abilities. I’m shuddering as I write this, though, because there isn’t a doubt in my mind that his voice and strange little attempt at cuteness will haunt my dreams for many nights to come.

“Mmmmmmm... Deeeeeeee-leeeeeeesh-issssssssssssss...”

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